am I too lost to be saved?

 Who am I trying to fool? It hurt me. It hurt like fuck. That's why I did all of theese. I just wanted it to be different than before. 
 I'm a fuck up. I'm a fucking wreck. I'm trying to fight it, but it's getting harder every day. This holiday is my break. I need this break. I need to be someone else. Anyone but me. Like on the stage. Life is a stage, isn't it? I acted like I didn't care. And I didn't. For a while. It was... magical. Not like every day before. It helped me realise few things. 
 First - I still have an ability to throw it all away. I can just... expulse it. 
 Second - I really can act. I can pretend to be someone else and no one realises that's not real me. I don't like to lie, but it wasn't really a lie. I just acted. 
 Third - I don't wanna be like that. I don't wanna have all that things - money, fashionable clothes, boyfriend just because everybody else has. No, I wanna be me. I wanna live my life. My life is in my hands. 
 I'll do anything it takes to make my dreams come true. I dream about London. The truth is - all I have to do is to end studies here, gain money for travel and try. I'll be the brave one!