Zawsze za bardzo się przejmowałam. WSZYSTKIM. Naprawdę wszystkim. Wiedziałam, że to bez sensu i mimo, że chciałam, nie potrafiłam tego zmienić. To dlatego potrzebowałam tego wyjazdu. Pojechałam tam z zamiarem zniszczenia siebie, zapomnienia o sobie samej. I właśnie to sprawiło, że jestem na nowo.
Nawet nie umiem tego wyjaśnić. Pierwszy raz w życiu wiem, że nic mi się nie stanie. Tym razem nie będzie boleć.
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I've always stated that I think a little bit too much. And then I learned how to turn off thinking. For all junior high school I could turn off at my beck and call. I fell into mere nothing on and on. Like a dream - ordinary black dream, but with open eyes, sitting etc. I knew that time was elapsing and life goes on next to me but nothing at all applied to me.
I've always worried too much. Because of EVERYTHING. Literally everything. I knew that it's meaningless and despite of I really wanted to I couldn't change it. That's why I needed this trip. I left there with intention to destroy me, I wanted to forget about myself. And this made me become once more time. I'm anew.
I can't even explain it. For the first time in my life I know that I'll be allright. This time it won't hurt.
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