what if

 What if one day I state that I really did nothing of all the things I wanted to do? Mrs. D. says that if I wanna look at my life only in the aspect of successes like winning competitions I have lot more achievements than her. But what about all the rest? What about me in the aspect of MYSELF. I do underestimate things I have. I have a great friend. The best one. Even though we are totally different and sometimes we can drive each other crazy, I love her to death and I know she loves me back. I do have great mom and brother. I do have a few friends that I can count on. I have a dog that is always happy to see me. I have home, food, school. I just don't have strength to change my life. I don't have the strength to fight off my demons. To break the fear. The fear of abandonment.