Only in movies there's never too late. 

 I'm the biggest dickhead I know.

 I have to let me go.

expert of unnecessary things.

 I'm an fucking expert of unnecessary thing. I am an unnecessary thing.

 I'm gonna be all alone for the rest of my life because no one will EVER be as perfect as Jensen Ackles.

struggling to breathe again.

 I expected It would be hard. But not that much. I thought I have all of this is behind me. That I got over with it. She helped me realised that I can't shake it off like snap of my fingers. 

Everybody's been abandoned and left a little empty-handed.

 I wanna be able to enjoy the little things. Like smile from a child, nice weather, gold trees, people around me, great books, mesmerising music, each new follower on tumblr/fashiolista/deviantart... 

I wanna be brave enough to be happy.

Why can I make everyone happy but me?

abandonment, abandonment, abandonment.

I can't mobilize myself to do simply anything. I should learn, read and make my matriculation presentation. And I sit on my ass doing nothing. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii hate myself.

my head is about to explode

 I hate it so fucking much. Everytime I hear something like this I'm fucking paralised by fear. What am I suppose to say to him? I am not a fucking psychologist! 
 Please, PLEASE somebody help me.

My head is about to explode.

looking for what I knew

 Bright light almost blinding, black night still there shining, 

I can't stop, keep on climbing, looking for what I knew.

Had a friend, she once told me 'You got love, you ain't lonely',

Now she's gone and left me only looking for what I knew.

Mmm, I'm telling you now, the greatest thing you ever can do now 

Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now, it's very easy just...

Met a man on the roadside crying, without a friend, there's no denying,

You're incomplete, there'll be no finding looking for what you knew.

So anytime somebody needs you, don't let them down, althought it grieves you,

Someday you'll need someone like they do, looking for what you knew.

Mmm, I'm telling you now, the greatest thing you ever can do now,

Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now, it's very easy just...

I've always wanted only one thing.

jest chujowo, ale stabilnie

 To be honest, I don't really remember how it is to be truly happy. 
Some things make me happier than I usually am. Like Curly Heads concert yesterday. How is it possible that they play the music which is exactly in my heart? 

I can't find the motivation to learn. I know I have 4 test in 2 following weeks, but I just don't feel like I can learn it all. It's first week of school and already I don't get maths. Freaking great.

HELP! 

jest chujowo, ale stabilnie.

just make me forget.

 I believe I shouldn't be seeing him. Everytime after our goodbye I think to myslef that... after all, he's able to put himself together and move on. And I'm still a mess. I'm still broken into thousands pieces. Maybe I have this written all over my face "BROKEN". That's the truth. I'm fucking broken. I'm so scared to get involve into... anything that I... Oh, god. I hate people. I hate them. 

 Everyone I got close to... just left me. Everyone. Z, K, M. That's why I never ask for help. Because I had to learn how to live on my own. How to get by on my own. No matter what, you can always count on you. Only.

my heart is broken

I will wander till the end of time

torn away from you

I pulled away to face the pain

I close my eyes and drift away

over the fear that I will never find a way to heal my soul

and I will wander till the end of time

torn away from you

My heart is broken

sweet sleep, my dark angel

deliver us from sorrow’s hold (over my heart)

I can’t go on living this way

But I can’t go back the way I came

chained of this fear that I will never find a way to heal my soul

and I will wander till the end of time

half alive without you

My heart is broken

sweet sleep, my dark angel

deliver us

Change

Open your eyes to the light

I denied it all so long, oh so long 

Say goodbye

Goodbye

it's ok to be scared

 Things are so easy to forget. That's why I write diaries. Since 2nd grade of primary school. I love going back to them. Read all things I wrote when I was 10, 13 and even a year ago. It seems so... I seem so different. Always. It reminds me that I was happy. And it keeps me believe that someday I will be happy again. There's a lot of things that can make me feel happier than I usually am. Like acting, singing, watching my stupid TV series. I'm in love with Degrassi. I watch it since I was... 12! Jesus, it's 6 years. 3rd generation. It's not real, but it became a part of my real life. I love really stupid ones like Gossip Girl or The Vampire Diaries. I watch GG only for Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick. They're... stunning. Esspecially her. The Vampire Diaries is the most stupid TV series I've ever seen. But the cast is so damn sexy! Ian Somerhalder, Paul Weasly (SPEAKING POLISH!), Michael Trevino, Steven R. McQueen, Zach Roerig, Joseph Morgan (and his accent), Nathaniel Buzolic and even Matthew Davis! How the fuck is it possible that they are all in one movie?! It's too much. There has to be like 10000 degrees! And now - Supernatural. JESUS CHRIST. HAVE YOU SEEN JENSEN'S LIPS?!?!?!? They're like fucking carved! And his eyes, sweet mother of jesus. And Sam - his responsibility and sagacity, wisdom... I'm madly in love with Dean, but I like Sam more. And I love to be scared. And I have to confess - these series have their moments... And it's really hard to scare me. 

 I love the light of setting sun. It makes world seem more magical. More beautiful. I'm scared. But now I know that it's ok to be scared. Everyone is afraid of something. "Fear is built-in into human and there is no sense in fighting it. Without fear we would be success animals. We shouldn't be ashamed of fear. It's as natural and necessary as amusement or pain. I have to learn to live with it." 

 Let's fade together.