the sound of silence

 Hello Darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk to you again, because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.

 In restless dreams I walked alone. Narrow streets of cobblestone, 'neath the halo of a street lamp I turned my collar to the cold and damp. When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light that split the night and touched the sound of silence.

 And in the naked light I saw ten thousand people, maybe more... People talking without speaking, people hearing without listening, people writing songs that voices never share... And no one dared disturb the sound of silence.

 'Fools', said I. 'You don't know silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you, take my arms that I might reach you'. But my words like silent raindrops fell and echoed in the wells of silence.

 And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made. And the sing flashed out its warning in the words that it was forming. And the sign said 'The words of prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls'. And whisper'd in the sounds of silence.

fuuuuuuuuuuuck

 Ok, now I'm really fucking stressed. I don't know, I feel like I can't do it. Like I don't know the scenario, even though I wrote it myself. Like I've never played it right. I was afraid to lose myself. I still am. What if it'll back? What if this would make me worse? Ok, this is not exactly me. But I have to puke all of my emotions that have been stewed for so long so deep inside. And why now, when I'm finally feeling a little better? 

 Or maybe that's how it's suppose to be. Maybe it's high time to cure myself entirely. Maybe this will be my final treatment. Last goodbye. 

 It's last time for me. And I feel like crying. 4th and last time. When I came there for the first time, I was in junior high school and I had no idea how terrible I was at acting. Year later I came into the same place and nothing changed. I did nothing to change my miserable life. I swore to myself that in next year I will be standing in the same place with the feeling that I changed what I wanted to. I did something so my life would mean anything. To be at least a little happier. And I did. But this year... I went through real transformation. I am scared but I know I will go there and do the best I can. I will leave this place with sadness and happiness in the same time. Sadness because it will be the end. The end of my only journey. The journey I fell in love with. And with happiness because only end means something new. I DID something for myself. Only for myself. And no matter what will be the result, I will be different. And I know that's good.

second choice.

 That's the truth. I've always been the second choice and I always will be. I even understand why. I don't know the reason why people stay with me. I have no idea why A. and M. are still by my side. Now I see.